I know that my attention to my blog has been quite lacking lately and I think I can finally explain why.
Since the new year, I have been in a funk. I have not felt like crocheting. I have been completely uninspired. And without working on any crochet projects or having any inspiration, it has been really difficult to figure out what I should write for my two posts a week.
This weekend, I took some time to think about what has really been eating away at me. It’s pretty obvious once you take the time to think about it. Since I graduated last May, I haven’t been very successful at finding a good job or at figuring out a direction to go in life. I put so much work (and money) into my degree and now I just don’t know what to do. On top of the pressure I was already putting on myself to find a job/career, my student loans started to kick in in December and it’s impact on my bank account set in this month.
I never saw myself in this position. I never expected to feel like such a failure. I thought I would be successful after college and now I just feel like I’m just so lost. I am too afraid to go back to get some sort of graduate degree since I don’t know what I would like to do and since I don’t want to put myself further in debt.
I know you might be thinking, surely if I am feeling so much pressure I could just find any salary job and do that until I figure out what to do. And you would be right, but I am finding it so unbelievably hard to keep myself motivated to apply for jobs that I know I’m not going to be happy in. I never wanted to be the type of person who lives for the weekend. Being happy at my job is very important to me since I don’t find money to be a great motivator. I wouldn’t mind taking a job that didn’t have the best pay as long as I loved what I was doing.
Crocheting and this blog was filling that void and giving my life some purpose. Goals to work toward. But in this new year, I haven’t been able to see it that way. I have been so focused on my failures in life that I have been completely distracted. I want to work past this slump. I want to crochet more and become more regular on my blog again and to stop feeling so down on myself. I really hope you guys can stick with me through this rough patch.
Thanks for reading!
P.S. I’m sorry if there a lot of typos. I wrote this from my cell phone while laying in bed.